Not Being Here Is Worse

She never put dirt on you're name
I understood after a while
But I hated yours and mine all the same
She told hard stories with a smile
And said son after a while
It's hard to believe but you feelings are gonna change

You were dead to us before you wound up in that vase
Bitter tears of what could have been, running down a face
You were the best except when you were the worst
It's even hard to know who died first
We're still here figuring out what we do
Turns out we're all still missing you
Even though you put in all the things that hurt
You not being here is worse

I remember being alone when she had to work
But we never went hungry, that job was just for her
You were too busy not getting sober out in Seattle
Or maybe that new family out where they raise the cattle
And I was glad to see that wife and kids you didn't beat
Does it make me bad to feel good that you couldn't sleep


I still haven't forgiven but now I know I should
You earned that wife and kids, they loved ya good
The only thing you ever gave me is a castle, where my heart lives
I guess you're welcome in here let's forgive